As promised, my Zappos experience follows.

So. Zappos. They call themselves "a [customer] service company that just happens to sell shoes." Their slogan or motto or whatever is "powered by service." Ah, if only it were true.

Picture it: Christmas. 2007. I asked for black low top Chucks and brown low top Chucks. My sister searched high and low and couldn't find the brown ones. So she turned to Zappos with her quandary and was excited to find them. I was also happy because I'd wanted brown Chucks for quite some time. So I got back to New York after being home for Christmas (how Kim Gannon/Walter Kent of me) to find a Zappos box waiting for me. SWEET ACTION!

Sadly, my sister had ordered the slip on ones...I wanted the classic lace ups. "No problem," I thought to myself, "Zappos prides themselves on their customer service. I'm sure this will be easy." So, I e-mail Zappos and ask about it. They write back quickly and tell me that it's no problem, just e-mail back the SKU # of the shoe I want and they'll take care of the rest. Great.

Fast forward to July 21. I'd completely forgotten about the shoes. They were at the bottom of a pile in my then-messy room. I cleaned my room that day and figured I should take care of this now before I forget again. So I e-mail to re-initiate the exchange. I tell them that I apologize for my forgetfulness, but here's what I want. It turns out that the brown doesn't come in 1/2 sizes (I wear an 8.5 in chucks...information, use it as you will) and that they recommend a 9. The 9 will be fine, I say, and I thank them for their quick reply. They respond with "Dear Mike, Thank you for contacting the Zappos.com Customer Loyalty Team. You are very welcome! At Zappos.com, we really take pride in the level of service we provide, and we greatly appreciate you taking the time to say thanks."

I wait and wait for the shoes to arrive. And then I wait some more. And then! I wait some more. Finally, I follow up and ask what is going on and if I can perhaps track the package. Well, it turns out that they were so busy basking in my praise that they, and I quote, "didn't process the exchange order last week." While I was a little annoyed, they upgraded the shipping to one day business shipping, so the shoes would be there Monday. They were quick to fix and honest about their mistake and they gave me a little something extra. I again praised them, this time more highly:

"Thank you so much. I work in and have extensive training and experience in customer/guest service. (I work for Disney...I have HIGH standards!!!!) I so love people who are good at customer service. You don't find a lot of it these days and it is VERY refreshing to have such wonderful attention paid to me. I feel silly telling you this, but after I read this e-mail, I said aloud "I LOVE PEOPLE WHO ARE GOOD AT CUSTOMER SERVICE!" several times. haha. I thought I should share my appreciation with you.

Anyway, thanks again. You all are outstanding at what you do."

And the reply: "Hello Mike,

Thank you for contacting the Zappos.com Customer Loyalty Team.

Thank you so much for your kind words! At Zappos.com, we really take pride in the level of service we provide. Rather than spending a lot of our company resources on marketing, we think it makes more sense to focus on taking care of our customers.

Our hope is that people like you will have such a great experience with us, they will tell all of their friends and family about Zappos.com. If you haven't done so already, please let them know about Zappos.com, so we can continue to grow and provide great service to all of our customers!

Again, thank you for your kind words, and more importantly, thank you for being our customer." 

So I went around telling everyone how AMAZING Zappos is.

The shoes didn't come Monday. Fine, I figure it's a UPS thing. The shoes didn't come Tuesday. I gave them the benefit of the doubt. I guess maybe the order got processed before the one day label got slapped on the box. I wait for the standard shipping time to pass. Still no shoes. Yet another follow up e-mail.

This time it appears that there was a glitch in the warehouse in Kentucky. ::getting more annoyed:: So they ship MORE shoes one day and give me a $15 coupon code and an apology.

Monday, my day off, the shoes come as promised! EUREKA! I excitedly peel the tape off of the box and take the shoebox out. Before I open the shoebox, I see something weird. A very fat shoelace. Well. Um. Maybe it came with an extra set of laces. I open the box and find: THE. WRONG. FUCKING. SHOES. Are you kidding me?! After all the mistakes they've already made with me? Someone didn't think to check the shoes?!

Nastygram time!:
"Hello.

Another disappointment. The shoes arrived today as promised. But they are the wrong shoes. I ordered:
Converse Chuck Taylor All Star Ox
SKU #7155963
Size 9
http://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/2874587/c/18.html 

I received:
Converse Chuck Taylor All Star Simple Details Ox
SKU #7290952
Size 9
http://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/17725462/c/18.html 

This is getting to be quite a hassle and is totally unacceptable given everything that has already happened. Admittedly, your e-mail replies have been good and quick. But if you can't actually come through, what's the point? I received a coupon code for $15, but in my opinion, this does not make up for the three weeks of waiting, frustration, and sheer volume of mistakes on your part. While I realize that this seems to be a series of unfortunate things all happening to one customer, they are still all happening to one customer and something must be done to make up for it.
1. I would like for the correct shoes to be sent to me.
2. I would also like a refund for the full price. As you may recall, the original shoes were a gift from my sister. The original order number was #59289538. I trust you have the information you need to refund her credit card in your records, but please let me know if you don't and I can provide it for you.

I have initiated a return and printed a return label for the shoes I got today. I am still waiting to receive one in the mail for the first pair of shoes.

I can't emphasize enough my aggravation and frustration at this entire process--especially considering you bill yourself as a service company that happens to sell shoes. This experience has made me seriously question your ability to deliver on your customer service word.

Mike"

Well this, apparently, caused a shit storm over at Zappos. Almost immediately, another order was processed and another coupon code was sent. Then, instead of e-mailing me, they called. I was in the shower, so I was left only with a voicemail. It was probably good that they got my voicemail, because I was so angry after 3 weeks of waiting and empty promises that I would have just ripped them a new one. And that's just not who I am.

The voicemail told me that they wanted to solve the problem over the phone (real time), to keep the ugly shoes, that he resent the shoes and they'd be double checked. Then he had the gall to tell me that I received the correct shoes according to the style number on the box. (At which point I double checked the original SKU number I'd sent them and it was correct. So, eff you.) Then he tried to have some empathy and was like "I know it's frustrating to want shoes blah blah blah." 

So, Tuesday, while I was at work, more shoes got delivered to my house. I was so riled up and angry that I was like, they're probably the wrong shoes. They can't get anything else right, why should this be right? I was royally peeved.

I got home. The shoes were correct. (Good grief. [How Charles Shultz of me.]) 

I proceeded to call Zappos. I spoke to a very nice girl. She was genuinely glad I got the right shoes. She listen to the whole story and apologized. She was very honest about what happened. Apparently one of the times someone had gone in and messed with the status of my account and that had caused one of the fuckups. She completed the other half of my make-it-right-request and refunded my sister's credit card. She let me vent. She sent me another coupon code. She explained to me that if I choose to use Zappos again "and, you're the consumer, it's your choice to use us again or not and I totally understand if you don't," that my account has been put on double special status. 1. My order will be hand picked and packed by a supervisor. 2. It will be double checked by another supervisor. "That way, if you use us again, and I totally understand if you don't, this will never happen to you again."

So the issue was resolved to my liking. So why am I still vehemently against using Zappos?

They bill themselves as a customer service company. While they were good at helping me out over e-mail, it seems that it's all talk and no action. THEIR JOB IS TO FULFILL ONLINE SHOE ORDERS. IT TOOK THEM THREE WEEKS TO GET THE CORRECT SHOES TO MY HOUSE. It shouldn't take three weeks, literally 30 e-mails, and a phone call to get shoes to someone. That is a problem. A BIG problem. They've embraced this grass roots, word of mouth, awesome customer service business model. Which was perfect for their beginnings. But this year they are projected to do $1 billion in business. It seems to me that they've grown too big too fast. It's great that my account is on double special status to help ensure that this doesn't happen to me again. But if they were really running things correctly over there, they wouldn't need to have a double special account status. The fact that this protocol exists tells me that I am not the only one to whom this type of thing is happening. 

I'm also annoyed that with all the praise I kept giving them, they kept messing up. I think this probably fueled a part of my anger.

Also, the coupon codes they sent me came with this e-mail (which, if you recall, I got three times):
"We apologize for any inconvenience we may have caused. Let us assure you this is not indicative of the high quality of service and products we strive to provide our customers."

I said it to the girl on the phone and I'll say it to you: You keep telling me that this isn't indicative of your service. But clearly when something like this happens, for me, it is QUITE indicative of your service.

My boss said I should write a letter to the CEO and "really let them have it." I am going to do just that. And tell them that while I think the business model is great, there is a breakdown somewhere along the line. Zappos has, perhaps, gotten too big for their own shoes.

You know how everyone loves zappos?

Well I DON'T.

They are shitbags who can't get anything right. You shouldn't shop with them.

"What the hell happened," you ask?

More later...

Hello Friends!

I, for the third year in a row, will be participating in AIDS Walk New York, benefiting Gay Men's Health Crisis and many other AIDS Service organizations. GMHC is the nation's oldest and largest AIDS service organization, providing direct services for men, women, and children with HIV and AIDS, and promoting education and advocacy worldwide. (www.gmhc.org)

Admittedly, I'm a little late in my fundraising efforts--the walk is May 18! So why not donate today?!
Donate here: http://tinyurl.com/2jkqgk

The truth is: AIDS sucks. No seriously, it's still a big problem. Did you know that in the U.S. alone there are between 40,000 and 60,000 new cases of HIV every year? It is also estimated that at least half of all new HIV infections in the U.S. are among those under the age of 25. These staggering statistics suggest that this fight is far from over. It is so important to help the countless men, women, and children living with this horrible disease, as well as spread the word that the epidemic is far from over. You can personally make a difference in someones life by donating today: http://tinyurl.com/2jkqgk

I would like to take a moment to thank those who have already generously donated:
Sarah Breidenbach
Anthony Colosimo
Michael Crouch
Sabrina Hersi
Monica Paynter
Sam Pincus and Lee Zuniss

Also, if you're in the New York area, my team (Team Supersnack) will be holding a benefit performance featuring John Oliver of The Daily Show and wonderful musicians The Mountain Goats! (And much more!) For more information and tickets visit our website: www.supersnack.org

To review:
AIDS Walk is May 18th! I'm a little late in getting my fundraising underway, so help me catch up!
Your generous (and did I mention tax-deductible?!) donation will help with direct services for those living with AIDS, as well as promote education and advocacy.
Thank you to those who have already donated!
Come to our benefit!

Once again, here is where you can make your secure online donation: http://tinyurl.com/2jkqgk

Thank you in advance for your generosity. This is a cause that is near and dear to my heart. Thank you thank you thank you for your help. :-)

Yours,
Mike

I love chapstick. Not chapstick brand chapstick. I like Burt's Bees. When I first moved to New York, I could never find it...I either had to go to the Borders at Penn Station or Chelsea Market. Then I found a drug store in my neighborhood that carries it. And now, Duane Reade has started carrying it. So as it's becoming more widely available, you'd think that I would always have some, right?

I also, apparently, love to lose Burt's Bees. It somehow manages to disappear. So, before it was more widely available, I would have to buy other, inferior brands. I bought this Aveeno crap. Not only did I not lose it, but it somehow managed to be lasting forEVER. It was too soft and it didn't feel like it was doing anything. Also, when it was in my pocket it got SUPER melty. So finally, I had to get rid of it. I went to Duane Reade (before their carriage of Burt's Bees) and got some Blistex stuff that looked promising. I paid, walked out of the store, opened it, put it on, and realized that I'd used it before and didn't like it. It was better than the Aveeno, no doubt, but still under par. Finally I threw the Aveeno out.

And LOOK! DUANE READE HAS BURT'S BEES NOW! I immediately bought a tube. And almost as immediately, lost it.

Fuck.

Back to the Blistex. For a couple of days. Until Monday. I was on the train on my way to work and the Blistex fell out of my bag on to the train floor.

Fuck.

There was NO WAY that was going near my mouth again. Into the trash it went. So there I am, nothing to put on my lips. Around 2:00 that afternoon I needed something. So I went across the street to Duane Reade. "With my luck, this location," I thought to myself, "won't have any Burt's Bees." Well, they did, but only the kind with clove oil. But it was Burt's Bees nonetheless. I was just happy to have some.

It was a beautiful day Monday, so after work I went for a walk. Walking down 53rd St., I got my brand new Burt's Bees out of my bag, took the cap off, and the gods of lip balmery decided that I wouldn't be applying anything to my lips just then. The tube literally flew out of my hands on to the sidewalk. Open.

Fuck.

I love hoodies. They are a totally underrated garment. They are warm, they have a hood for if your ears are cold or if it's raining. There's a pocket to keep your stuff in. They are almost perfect. Almost. They look trashy. There. I said it. I got, a bit on the fly, invited to an engagement party last weekend after work. So it was either my "The Fantasticks" hoodie or my "The Little Mermaid" polo shirt. I went with the hoodie. And everyone was in their cute party clothes while I'm in my dress slacks and hoodie. Dammit. It got me to thinking though. What if there were hoodies that were, perhaps a little more fancy. Hoodies that could be worn out to a party or bar. Then I got to thinking. These exist. And they're even trashier than regular hoodies. Oh well.

My day job is very boring. I do research and admin assistant stuff for a legal recruiting firm. Some days I am doing legal research all day. It feels like homework. Ugh. So, needless to say, my mind wanders. Yesterday, I was having a round of music theater turrets syndrome and was singing "I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair." In a really low, deep, bass voice. Which got me to thinking, wouldn't it be cool to do a gender-bent South Pacific? I mean, you've got a chorus of gay men singing "Nothin' like a dame" anyway. Why not just click it up a few more notches. Cast girls as the male chorus and boys as the female chorus...just flip it all around. It would work.

Paula Abdul is a hot mess.

Hello all!

I am once again in need of a roommate. I have a lovely apartment in Park Slope, Brooklyn. It is only one block from the train and a fairly short commute to Manhattan.

The rent is reasonable and includes utilities. The apartment is sizeable...your room is 12x8. The living room is 16x11. The kitchen is large and has a beautiful stainless side by side fridge/freezer. The landlord is super nice.

Please let me know if you or anyone you know is interested and I can get you more details. This is for a February 1 move in...so let me know ASAP!

Thanks!

Maybe I'll get around to doing a real update soon!

Date:	2007-10-08 18:14
Subject:	Floored
Security:	Public
Mood:	discontent
Music:	Spelling Bee

I was, today, let go unexpectedly and abruptly from my temp job of 3.5 months. I was told around 1:00 p.m. that today was my last day.

I did not have time to prepare for this emotionally. I've never been let go from a job before. Every place has wanted to keep me, I have left on my terms. One place loved me so much that they offered me stock options. This termination was totally out of left field.

So. What do I do when I'm feeling down? I turn to my craft, my art. My favorite at the moment? The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. Enjoy.

P.S.- Let me know if you hear of any good jobs!



My friend, you will be missed.
But now go with dignity.
This ends, but first on our list,
You can go with pride!
You’ve been the best looking dude we’ve had all day.
You’re a real smart dude as well.
Now go home and spell!
Give you squeeze some affection,
Come on make a connection!
Spell with patience and care.
That, dude, is my prayer.

Goodbye!
Goodbye!
Goodbye
Goodbye!
Goodbye, Goodbye,
Goodbye!
Goodbye!
Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye!

Whoa!
All you need,
Is strength to pretend it’s no big deal!
Try to look like you don’t care.
Try not to cry, lord,
In front of your brother.
Don’t embarrass your mother!
Not your mother!

Make your exit with care!
That is my prayer!
Goodbye, Goodbye!

Goodbye, Goodbye,
Bye, bye, bye, Whomever!
Goodbye, Goodbye,
Goodbye, Goodbye!
Goodbye!
Goodbye!
Goodbye!

Goodbye!
Whomever!
Goodbye!

Date:	2007-08-28 12:07
Subject:	Somebody Shoot Me
Security:	Public
Mood:	annoyed
Music:	Thankfully NOT Canon in D anymore...

I am an executive assistant. (Actually, I'm an actor. But I currently make my living as an executive assistant. Just to clarify...) I don't know who of you out there has experience doing this sort of work. It is, at its most basic level, just helping people out with little stuff that they could do for themselves, but they have more important things to do.

More important than say, printing and spiral binding 10 copies of a powerpoint presentation for a meeting. Or perhaps more important than making labels on the p-touch label maker. Or maybe...

SPENDING IN EXCESS OF 15 MINUTES ON THE PHONE WITH ORBITZ LISTENING TO CANON IN D OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

That's right, I heard it six times. Damn 4 minute recording.

Now, tell me, are you as TOTALLY over this song as I am? It used to be pretty. We all got excited in 7th grade orchestra when we got to play it. (Sometimes, I miss the viola.) It was sweet when my friend Amy and I played it at my sister's wedding.

But seriously? I hate it. It is so annoying. And played out. It is more played out than...well...I only really listen to showtunes...so...this song "Another Winter in a Summer Town" from Grey Gardens...I've played it like, over 100 times...I used to listen to it at least 4 times a day every day for like, a few months. It's such a good song...such a pivotal moment in the play. And can we talk about Christine Ebersole for a minute? Whoa! She seriously knocked it out of the park...such an acting lesson...what was I talking about?

When I was on hold with JP Morgan Chase last week, they also played classical music. But it wasn't the SAME FOUR MINUTE RECORDING OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN! BLEEEARG! Is it really too much to ask that you, oh, I don't know, buy a whole CD? Man, iTunes is really fucking the world over, isn't it? I never thought I'd say that...but in this instance, it's true. Don't even try to deny it.

I should write Orbitz an e-mail.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I was recently put on hold during a call to your customer service department. I really appreciated the skilled help that everyone I spoke to was able to provide. What I did not appreciate was your choice in hold music. Canon in D? Really? Are you joking me? That song is more played out than Another Winter in a Summer Town. Don't you know anything? I guess not.

Change your ways. Or at least your hold music.

Sincerely Yours,
Mike

Last week, I was on hold with this company called Factory Express. Their hold music was "Wild Thing." (I was only on hold for a few minutes. I assume they do not loop "Wild Thing.") (Then again, I would assume no one would be gauche enough to loop Cannon in D.)

If I had slept more last night, this probably wouldn't bother me so much. Maybe I should drink 4 cups of french roast coffee each with 4 packets of sugar. That will cheer me up.

And make me shake.

My senior year of high school, I took English 12. (As most everyone did, I suppose.) It was, one could say, a European (read: British) literature course. With some vocab worksheets thrown in. (Seriously, vocab worksheets? At age 18. Really? Then again, I suppose I did paint my face red, white, and blue on spirit day. But that is beside the point.)

One of the classic works we were introduced to was Beowulf. Great. But for some reason, it got stretched into a two month unit. We listened, yes listened to a tape of the entire thing. Which, seriously? It was 2000. Who was still using tapes? And because she taught more than one class period, she would always spend 5-10 minutes at the beginning of class cuing up the tape. (I suppose we should have worked on our vocab worksheets while she was doing that.)

Another work we listened to was The Canterbury Tales. People. Seriously. WHY WERE WE LISTENING TO THESE THINGS? No wonder I hate reading.

Next up, Macbeth. (The AP Classes did Hamlet. I suppose us regular high school seniors were too stoopid for Hamlet. Then again, does anyone [besides Steven Breese who can, apparently, work parts of Shakespeare's text into a modernish courtroom drama] fully understand Hamlet? I digress...)

Can anyone guess what the first thing we did with Macbeth was? If you guessed "took turns with the roles reading it aloud in class"...YOU'RE WRONG! If you guessed "were assigned parts of it to read at home"...WRONG AGAIN! If you guessed "did a vocab worksheet about it"...well, good guess, I suppose. If you guessed "threw hundreds of hardback copies of the Yale Shakespeare out of school bus windows at passing cars on Interstate 95 while on a field trip to the Kennedy Center to see Andrew Lloyd Webber's epic masterpiece The Phantom of the Opera"...well...then...you're...retarded.

We listened to it. Yup. Twice. Because we had a substitute for a couple of days and she, of course, didn't believe us when we told her that we had already listened to it, and that she'd better just give us some more vocab worksheets. (On a side note, I did the morning announcements in high school. Thus, I was a few minutes late to my first period class...which was English. When I came in late, the sub looked at me angrily and told me to sign the tardy book. "I do the morning announcements." "NO YOU DON'T! THAT'S A LAME EXCUSE!" "Good morning Gar-Field. Please stand and join me for the pledge of allegiance." She recognized my voice. I thought the whole thing was weird because my teacher usually left a note. And even if she didn't, why was the sub angry? I liked getting kids in trouble when I was a sub. I found out later that my teacher had left a note. She showed it to me. What a stupid sub.) (Additional note on subs getting kids in trouble: One time in health class, we had a sub. We were working in groups, and my group was laughing obnoxiously loud. The sub came over to yell at us, and was looking at me, and a girl across the circle from me made a gesture about one of the things we'd been laughing about. Thus, I laughed IN THE SUB'S FACE. She was like, THAT'S IT! She wrote me up. Then took me out into the hall and said something like this: "I know you're a good kid, I can tell. I am just writing you up as an example. I want everyone else to know that I'm not kidding around. So, you don't have to go to the office." So, I got to leave lame health class, during the LUNCH PERIOD and got to chill out during all three lunches. It was awesome. The most retarded part? The sub was only there for one day. And we had block scheduling, and 5th period was the short period. So she was with the class for about 50 minutes. Why did she feel the need to establish this hardass reputation? Whatever...)

What was I talking about. Yes. The Scottish Play.

After we listened to it TWICE, she showed us the movie. Which, I suppose, is nice, because it gives you a visualization. I appreciated, at least. It was, however, a weird version done by some knock off of the Royal Shakespeare Company. It was in the round and people kept like...well, it looked like they were floating in and out...they would like, come from behind the camera...it was fuckin' weird.

Then we moved on. To the next movie of Macbeth. This time it was a film version produced by, I kid you not, Playboy. This explained why the witches were topless.

Then we moved on. TO THE SAMURAI FILM VERSION OF MACBETH. I am not joking. It was in black and white and was one of the STRANGEST THINGS I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. It was like, six hours long. (We were watching it for like, two weeks. Partly because she cued the tape up incorrectly and it was all so similar that it was hard to tell if we'd seen that part already...and partly because we had vocab worksheets to get finished.) Instead of three female witches, it had one, male witch. He was a skinny-type man in a cage with a spinning wheel of sorts. Then, at the end, when Birnam Wood came to Dunsinane...there were all these Samurai soldiers riding horses, carrying Christmas trees. They weren't decorated or anything, but wouldn't it have been great if they were?

When I went to college, the first play I auditioned for was A Midsummer Night's Dream. I, of course, pulled a 12 line "monologue" from Macbeth. For some reason, even though I had like, two weeks, I didn't bother to memorize it. I read it at the audition. And by read, I mean, nervously held a piece of paper that I glanced down at every now and again while I gave an unskilled line reading. Then they asked me to tell a story about myself. I did, and it was funny. But also very indicative. Also, at the beginning of the audition, when Steven asked what my piece was from, I said "The Scottish Play." He said "Oh good! You know the etiquette!" I found out a few years later that Steven thinks superstitions about Macbeth are utterly retarded. (Which actually surprises me...) Man. I was so stupid. No wonder Steven half hated me. I don't know how I got cast in Midsummer.

But I do know that all the girls thought my dress was the prettiest.

It's been a while. So here we go.

I love New York. It is alive. There is so much to do, Broadway is in my proverbial back yard, etc., etc. Yesterday, however, was HELL ON EARTH in New York City.

I don't know how much you all have heard, but there was a torrential downpour here in the wee hours of Wednesday morning (and even a EF-2 tornado in Brooklyn!) here in the city. Apparently the subway system is designed to be able to accommodate 1.5 inches of rain an hour. Wednesday, the 3 inches that fell overwhelmed the pumps, drains, sewers, etc. Thus, there was, for all intents and purposes NO subway service in New York.

Now, I got up and was getting ready to go to work. I had the news on. I was kind of aware that there had been some bad rain, but nothing else. How I missed that the ENTIRE MTA was down, I don't know. Mark even called me to tell me that the commute was awful, but I didn't listen to his voicemail until later in the day. These actions all constitute Grave Mistake #1. Had I gotten Mark's message and been, I don't know, even halfway listening to the news (the local news, mind you, that was pre-empting the Today show) I probably would not have attempted to go to work. But alas, I, ventured out anyway. Ignorantly blissful.

As I approached the train station, I noticed several people outside the stairwell on their cell phones. I should have seen the red flag...or at least a yellow one. I make my way down the steps, and there are several hand-crafted (read: the booth attendant didn't have a marker so she had to make bold letters with a pen) signs reading things like "EXTENSIVE DELAYS" and "D N R M SERVICE EXTENSIVE DELAYS." Yet, I ventured on. I needed a new Metrocard, so I bought it and was going to head upstairs to call work and let them know I would be late. But alas, an R train came. "Great," I thought, "the delays are over." Oh, how I was mistaken.

The train continued to the next two local stops, a little slower than normal, but nothing too bad. Then, as we neared the next stop, we came to a halt. The conductor told us that there was an M train ahead of us, and as soon as it cleared the station, we would make our way onward. We waited for about 10 minutes and the conductor informed us that the M train was being unloaded so they could send the M train back into Brooklyn to provide a shuttle of sorts. He immediately came back on and said, "Understandably, the crew is having a little trouble convincing everyone to get off the train." Most everyone in my car let out a soft chortle. It was the one pleasant moment of my commute.

So finally, We pull into the station. And sit there for 15 minutes with no update. Finally, the conductor tells us that due to flooding, the signals aren't working at two future stops, so we'll be taking the bridge to Manhattan (rather than the tunnel) and that we'd be stopping at Canal Street. Well, Canal is past where my work is, so I got off the train. "I'll go upstairs and take the 2/3, it stops near my work," I thought, still unaware of the extent of the problem. The R train I was on sped away. Goodbye R train. Grave Mistake #2.

I went upstairs for my transfer, and started to realize how bad this situation was. There were SO. MANY. PEOPLE. EVERYWHERE.

I walked over to the 2/3 platform, and there was a 3 train that had pulled 75% of the way out of the station and stopped. It kind of looked like the train was dead. I know, a train isn't a living thing to begin with, but still...

So I walked back over to see if I could get another R train. I looked down the steps, and there were so many people on the platform, I could have gone crowd surfing and there would have been ABSOLUTELY NO CHANCE of me getting dropped. Crowds aren't really my thing and I was starting to get really hot, so I decided to go outside, above ground to get some fresh air and to take the bus. I want upstairs and got some air. Then I looked around. Much to my horror, there were people EVERYWHERE! It was a frightening crowd (understatement) of angry, hot, sweaty, upset, stressed-as-hell people. I walked around outside for a few minutes in a daze. There is a mall of sorts there, so I went inside to get out of the heat, as I realized that trying to catch a bus would be literally impossible. (More later.)

My next plan of action was to go to Target (in the mall) pick up a few things I needed, and perhaps by then, it would have calmed down. Target was closed. Their employees couldn't make it to work. For some reason, Target being closed felt like some kind of apocalypse to me. I stood in one spot for 15 minutes in a daze. What was I going to do?!

Back to the street where a man with a bull horn was yelling that there was no subway service but the Long Island Railroad was working. Had I exercised this option, it would have cost me extra money, taken a LONG time, and dropped me off in Midtown...I work downtown...very far away. So I nixed that idea. There were people yelling and going crazy. Van pool type cans kept pulling up offering rides into Manhattan for anywhere from $5 to $20. TWENTY DOLLARS? YOU ARE AN OPPORTUNISTIC RAPIST! Not like there wasn't hell traffic anyway. At this point, I decided to check the subway one more time and if it wasn't running, I'd just take a bus home. (A bus headed away from Manhattan, so ultimately less crowded.) I went downstairs and there was an N train and an R train waiting. Great. I hopped on the N train. After about 15 minutes, it whisked (read: WENT SUPER STUPID SLOW) me away over the Manhattan bridge to Canal Street. I tired to get to an R train, to no avail. I went up to try to get a bus, but they were SO PACKED, people's faces were literally pressed up against the windows. Besides, traffic was literally standing still.

I started to have a mini-panic attack thinking, "oh my god, how am I going to get home?!"

I went back down to the R platform to gather my thoughts. I looked at the map and realized that I could try to catch an A train. I walked a few blocks, and low and behold...THE A CAME RIGHT AWAY! It whisked (yes, whisked this time) me away to Chambers Street, two blocks from my work. I got there, was soaking wet, physically and emotionally exhausted, and just plain tired. But I had made it. And I think scored a few brownie points with my boss. He said something about dedication...but I was too dehydrated to really be listening.

By the way, co-worker walked all the way to work. From 86th St. and Lexington Avenue to Greenwich St. and Park Place. For those of you who don't know, that's about EIGHT MILES. Whoa.

Anyway. Wednesday was crazy.

But Thursday, something even weirder happened on my way to work.

I got on the train (running normally, thank goodness) and got off at my stop. I was walking down the street to my building, and my arm knocked into someone else's arm. (And by knocked into I mean BARELY BRUSHED.) Well apparently, this caused him to drop something. I saw him bending down to pick said item up, briefly apologized and went on my way.

I turned the corner, and felt his presence kind of stalking behind me. I glanced around and he was like, "DUDE WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Oh god.

So he stops me and he's like, "DUDE! YOU MADE ME DROP MY GLASSES! AND NOW MY LENS IS CRACKED!" He held up the glasses and, indeed, his lens was cracked. "I'm sorry," I politely reply.

Read the whole thing. You owe it to democracy.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chris-durang/will-bush-ever-get-his-co_b_57893.html

Date:	2007-07-12 12:37
Subject:	I Just Had
Security:	Public
Mood:	crazy
Music:	Office humk

One of the best exchanges of my life.

I had one of the most horrible experiences of my life last night.

The night started off innocently enough. Mark and I went to our usual Monday at Urge for Moneywheel. Of course, we (and everyone else there) were pretty tired from the weekend's festivities. The atmosphere was pretty relaxed; it was nice to just sit back and have a few drinks. Then someone one the jackpot on round one. Just like last week. ugh. But that, my friends was not the horrible event.

(I should mention now, that because I was exhausted and semi-dehydrated, my two absolut peach and tonics got me kind of tipsy.)

We left Moneywheel in search of something to eat. I wanted something cheap and Mark wanted comfort food. So we decided to go to Wendy's. On the way there I got really excited about getting a frosty--for two reasons. One. I haven't had a frosty in a long time. Which is sad. Because they are delicious. Two. I love to dip my french fries in my frosty. Don't knock it 'til you try it. Again. Delicious.

So we get to Wendy's. Mark orders. I order. "I'd like a number six, with the sandwich plain, and sprite to drink. And a small chocolate frosty." This is the beginning of the problem. The following conversation ensued:

Read the whole thing, because you should. Take the wool from over your eyes, America.

In case you're short on time, here is a passage worth reiterating:
"Citing executive privilege, President Bush has refused to let any of his West Wing advisers turn over government documents or e-mails to congressional committees conducting investigations of his administration. The RNC has stated its intention to first provide White House officials' e-mails to White House Counsel Fred Fielding to determine whether Bush will want to withhold those as well."

What? Why hide? Oh, because you have something that you're hiding. Yeah. That's what I thought.

Bush Officials Used RNC Server for Private E-mails
Disclosure Means Practice More Common Than Officials Acknowledged

By Paul Kane
washingtonpost.com Staff Writer
Monday, June 18, 2007; 2:30 PM

Almost 90 White House officials have maintained private e-mail accounts on the server of the Republican National Committee, including top advisers such as Karl Rove and former White House Chief of Staff Andrew H. Card, according to a House committee report released today.

The disclosure means the practice is much more common than Bush administration officials have previously acknowledged, the report noted.

The RNC has preserved more than 140,000 e-mails sent or received by Rove, but only 130 were written before President Bush won re-election in 2004, according to the report. The committee has preserved another 100,000 e-mails from two of Rove's top lieutenants, former White House political director Sara M. Taylor and deputy political director W. Scott Jennings, according to the House Oversight Committee.

But the RNC has no e-mail records for 51 of 88 White House officials -- such as Ken Mehlman, the White House political director from 2001 through early 2003 -- who used their servers in addition to government e-mail accounts, according to a summary of the panel's report.

The committee, chaired by Rep. Henry Waxman (D-Calif.), has been investigating whether the e-mail accounts run by the RNC and the Bush-Cheney '04 campaign committee violated the Presidential Records Act, which requires that every White House official "assure that the activities, deliberations, decisions, and policies that reflect the performance of his constitutional, statutory, or other official or ceremonial duties are adequately documented."

The House and Senate Judiciary committees also are seeking the RNC e-mails of White House officials, particularly Rove, Taylor and Jennings, to examine whether Bush's top advisers played roles in the firings of nine U.S. attorneys last year.

Waxman's committee does not yet have the e-mails or their content, but released a preliminary report of its findings based on information provided by the RNC. Waxman and the RNC have been negotiating for almost two months. Waxman served the RNC with a subpoena that demanded some e-mails and that RNC Chairman Robert "Mike" Duncan testify.

Citing executive privilege, President Bush has refused to let any of his West Wing advisers turn over government documents or e-mails to congressional committees conducting investigations of his administration. The RNC has stated its intention to first provide White House officials' e-mails to White House Counsel Fred Fielding to determine whether Bush will want to withhold those as well.

Despite the huge cache of Rove's e-mails that were preserved, the House committee questioned whether Rove and other White House officials complied with federal laws. According to today's report, more than 75,000 of the preserved e-mails of Rove's were sent or received from officials with e-mail accounts ending in ".gov"--the sign of a federal government employee.

"These e-mail accounts were used by White House officials for official purposes, such as communicating with federal agencies about federal appointments and policies," Waxman's report stated.

The RNC said it is still searching its servers and that the remaining e-mails all may be political in nature. That would mean they have no relation to the records preservation act, it said.

"It is troubling that Henry Waxman's committee jumped the gun and appears to be representing Democrats' partisan spin as fact," said Tracey Schmitt, spokeswoman for the RNC. "Not only have we been clear that we are continuing our efforts to search for e-mails, but there is no basis for an assumption that any e-mail not already found would be of an official nature,"

In early March, when the RNC e-mail trail first was raised during investigations of the U.S. attorney dismissals and the alleged politicization of the General Services Administration, White House spokeswoman Dana Perino said "a handful" of White House advisers used the private accounts. That number was upgraded to about 50 a few weeks later. The RNC and White House initially said that almost all of Rove's e-mails were destroyed.

Just 130 of the 140,216 Rove e-mails come from Bush's first term, none of them before November 2003. Susan Ralston, Rove's former executive assistant, who privately gave a deposition to committee aides, told the committee that Mehlman used his RNC account "frequently, daily."

She added that other officials for whom there are no e-mail records also used the private accounts regularly.

The report shows that Waxman plans to investigate Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales's knowledge of the use of the private e-mails during his term as White House counsel, and whether he took steps to preserve the records.

Waxman's panel also is threatening to subpoena the Bush-Cheney campaign committee. Eleven White House officials use e-mail accounts on the committee's servers, but it has refused to provide any more information to the committee.

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My feet.

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
Grey. Although I have one that is olive green that is my XL cuddle up in the winter hoodie.

3. Do you like coffee?
Only if it's fancy and flavored. If not...it has to have LOADS of sugar and cream.

What? No 4?! That is irritating.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Tired, headachey, backachey, bored...

6. Whats the LAST letter of your crush's name?
S

7. Do you say aim or a-i-m?
I switch it up. I find that one or the other works better depending on context.

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having.
Tony and Beth came to visit Sterling and I here in New York. We still lived in the apartment we live in now (2 bedrooms, living room, kitchen, bathroom), but Beth kept finding all these rooms that we didn't know about. She found a guest bedroom with a California king sized bed that was furnished with furniture that had an IKEA design aesthetic, but was SUPER high end. She also found a library, a HUGE formal dining room, a ballroom (among others) that all looked like they were from Versailles. It was a very strange, but amazing apartment.

9. Could you eat your favorite food everyday for a month?
I love french fries. I could eat them every day. But not exclusively.

10. What are you craving?
Sleep, chipotle, to see a show.

12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
a weird pronunciation...cah-bahj...with the accent on the second syllable. Which makes me think of le-tuce...tuce with a liquid U...accent on tuce...I am strange.

No 13 or 14? What happens to these things?

15. Would you dance with me to the taco song?
What the HELL is the taco song?

16. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Sometimes, when I can't sleep, I count backward from 1,000. Although recently, I read that it is better to count backward from 1,000 by threes.

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Lick, lick, lick, lick, lick it from it's head to it's toe.

18. Do you use smileys?
HELLS YES I DO! :-) ;-) :-p :-D

19. How many bedrooms are in your house?
Sixteen. Not. Two. Well, Peter is staying with us for the summer...on our couch...so the living room is kind of a makeshift bedroom. So like, 2.5? I think?

20. Have you ever met a celebrity?
One time I was visiting my sister Monica in North Carolina. We were in Wal-Mart late one night and in front of us in line was Edward from Trading Spaces. My little sister Erin was like, are you Edward? And I blushed and ran away like a little girl. I get very star struck. I've been trying to work on it. I was successful in masking it when I met Daphne Rubin-Vega (the original Broadway Mimi in Rent) and Oscar winner Philip Seymour Hoffman. I kept my composure while talking to them. Then I went in a corner and jumped up and down like a fan girl. Then I melted. I've also met Kristin Chenoweth, Christina Applegate, Ben Vereen, Matt Lauer, Al Roker, Ann Curry, Cunty Couric, Harvey Fierstein, Bernadette Peters, the guy who played Mr. Big on Sex in the City, Christopher Plummer, Brian Dennehy, Ann Hampton-Calloway, Kevin Eubanks, David Parsons, Marvin Hamlisch...I'm sure there are more...

I want to meet Rosie O'Donnell really bad. And Elaine Stritch. And Ellen Degeneres. And Elizabeth Hasselback...so I can punch her in the face.

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Heck no. When it comes to food, I am big on texture.

22. What's the last song you had stuck in your head?
And I Am Telling You, I'm Not Going

23. How many countries have you visited?
If the US Counts: 10. If not, 9.

24. Are your parents strict?
No. Not at all. I was only grounded once in my life.

25. Would you go sky diving?
Yes. It would take some work to build up my confidence, but I think it would be a blast!

26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
HELL NO! HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL NO! The man is so arrogant. Not to mention not very intelligent. It would be exhausting to have to carry the conversation the whole time. Not to mention he thinks I am a second class citizen who should be written out of the Constitution. You know, the document that says that all men are created equal? He is a horrible person.

27. Would you throw potatoes at him?
Okay. Maybe I'll go.

28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
There's some shiny things, but nothing sparkling. Other than my personality.

29 was, for some unknown reason, omitted. So I will make something up.

29. Do you like crossword puzzles? Have you ever completed one?
I do like them, though they are frustrating sometimes. Yes I have completed some.

30. Do you rent movies often?
No. With so much to watch on television and with the amount of movies I own...it's not reall necessary. Although, I do plan on renting the Grey Gardens documentary.

I cried more last night than I have in a long time.

Why?

Good question.

I love theater.

Last night, Broadway's best was showcased at the Tony Awards. Ya'll...I cried and squealed throughout the entire broadcast.

It opened with Marvin Hamlisch (composer of A Chorus Line) playing the famous vamp from the beginning of the song "One." It was a river of tears and laughter from then on.

I watched the ceremony with my friend Mark. He was sitting watching the television like a normal person while I was, quite literally, bouncing up and down. I love this stuff.

Some highlights of the evening were:
Mary Louise Wilson's acceptance speech. "Everyone has been so articulate. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (Note that she's like, super old. lol)

John Gallager Jr.'s acceptance speech. I freakin cried and cried at that one. He was just so grateful and his speech was from the heart.

Raul Esparza's performance of Being Alive from Company. There are just no words for how amazing his rendition of that song is.

The cast of Mary Poppins singing Anything Can Happen. It is such a wonderful song. It's on myspace (at least last time I checked) It makes you feel good about life...I love that song.

Do yourself a favor. See a Broadway show. If you're in New York, you have absolutely no excuse. Come visit. If you can't visit, support your local regional theaters...regional theaters are where things like The Color Purple and Grey Gardens had their beginnings. Or see a touring show! Do it! You'll like it!

OMG. I need to stop with this fangirl insanity.

You know, I can’t even hear him anymore. When President Bush is on TV, or on the radio, I almost always instinctively change the channel or the station. I can tolerate listening to Bush in post script – I mean, I can hear people making comments about his speeches or “quips” or whatever he does that constitutes talking. I can hold by breath and just barely take it when there is commentary about his speeches, but I can’t actually listen or watch them as they occur. I just hate him too much.

And it doesn’t feel like a cerebral, intellectual choice. It feels like it’s instinctive, and I am repulsed. Like he is not just a president who I really don’t like, but instead spoiled milk in my fridge, milk that I innocuously lift to my nose and then recoil from and nearly gag. I can’t help it. When I am in the car and his voice invades my otherwise thoughtful sanctuary, I watch my hand change the station even before I am aware that he is speaking! Yes. It’s that bad. It’s below the level of awareness, and I cannot control it and I don’t want to control it. Usually, if it’s an important speech, I will read it in the paper the next day. Then, I can digest it -- nearly. But I cannot hear his voice, I cannot watch his cocky arrogant teenagish demeanor, I cannot peer into his chicken eyes and I cannot stomach his permanent smirk. I hate how he rests his body weight on one foot and leans in with one shoulder, like the smart aleck in junior high (see how I’m making him less mature with each analogy?) and I hate his superior snicker. I hate him. It’s beyond anything rational, I just HATE HIM SO MUCH.

Unfortunately, yesterday, at the gym, I was on the stair master and Bush was in the middle of his latest speech (which I think was actually given the night before) and the spectacle of him was on both the TV channels right in front of me and I have no idea how to change them and other people were watching, so I really couldn’t. The sound was off, but you could read the text of his speech below him.

All I can say about this is, every time I write off this last eight years or bemoan how we have injured the world by electing this pig, or worry, worry, worry that we will never regain any sort of respect in the world, and every time I think of other president’s blunders and think how bad Bush is compared with even the worst other presidents we’ve had and then I just think I’ve settled that in my mind: Bush is the worst, he’s taken us closer to the brink, blah blah blah end-of-story: every time I’ve done this, when I am confronted with the man afresh – when I can’t avoid him – when he is there before me as I step up and on the stair master for example…I am again shocked and flabbergasted that the specter of him is so ghastly. So much worse than I had thought before; before when I thought he was the WORST POSSIBLE. How does he do that? It’s like he had broken some physical law or something.

And I have to admit, I have a hard time listening to the news about all the violence in Iraq. I can’t really do anything about it in the short term. It upsets me so deeply and I don’t know what to do with it. I don’t want to get jaded, or thick-skinned about it. I think doing that is somehow to lose my humanity, to lose my real compassion, it’s almost an insult to those who are dying. I am tired of having Mulan watch me well up in tears as we drive to gymnastics as I listen to another report about another death squad. Another group of bodies found in the morgue, of another bomb in a marketplace or another group of soldiers turned up burned beyond recognition.

I think, back when I believed in God, I thought that - my being upset about something meant something to the Universe. Like God was listening. It must have been some extension of being coached to pray about my troubles. This idea that collective anger or fear meant something, changed something somehow. But now I see little reason to get upset repeatedly about something that I can do nothing about.

I am doing probably the minimum that each person who is reading this blog might be doing too – I am contributing money to different candidates and to the Democrats, I am teaching my daughter, bit by bit, about how to be an informed citizen. I send in the occasional letter that someone sends me to then send to my representatives. And when I think of doing more, I think I am barely able to get the stuff done in my life that I have to get done right now! I know, I’m just a complainer. Oh! I hate that too! I’m just a complainer!

So in the meantime, I jerk my arm at the radio when Bush is speaking and recoil from my stair master as he blathers on and sometimes I have a news blackout just so I can drive around town without getting distressed. And now it’s been going on so long! It’s become a way of life. Mulan, for example, knows of no other President than this one. She does not know what it is like to be living in a country not at war.

And you can’t believe what it’s like (or maybe you can, maybe you are in the same boat) to be explaining how and why we are in this war to a seven year old. I’m watching Mulan become aware of the world while I explain to her what she just heard on the radio, or how we see people in military fatigues at the airport, or how – when we were at my brother’s house recently and his wife’s brother, who is a pilot, had recently returned from a tour in Iraq and why he and his wife were hoping so much that he didn’t have to go back. And it isn’t glamorous and it isn’t even manly or exciting, it’s just tragic, the whole damn thing. And I have to explain it again and again and it’s a tricky dance because I don’t want her to become cynical or resigned to government being so awful. But so far, that’s all she knows.

Ug. I don’t know, I just needed to rant about this this morning I suppose.

Courtesy of: http://juliasweeney.blogspot.com/

Date:	2007-04-16 12:44
Subject:	Ghosts
Security:	Public
Mood:	angry
Music:	The Let Down that is Mainstream News Media

There were two shootings today at Virginia Tech.

It is so strange to have a crisis going on at "home" and yet be five states away. It's actually kind of hard.

I heard about the first one from my friend Jenn. Her brother goes to school there. There was one person killed in a dormitory.

I was sad to hear of this, but went on with my activities.

A little while later Jenn sent another message that at least 22 people are dead while 28 more are injured, in what MSNBC says is a separate incident.

At this point, I let my thirst for what is going on get the best of me. I turned on MSNBC to get what information I can. Of course there is nothing really more than what I've told you already.

What is going on?

They keep showing video clips on the television. The same things over and over. Cop cars, ambulances, people running, SWAT teams with masks and big guns, people on stretchers. It is haunting. Yet, I keep watching.

It is bringing up the ghosts of Columbine. I remember hearing about Columbine. I was in high school and went to sleep to the classical music station. At midnight every night, they did a news update. I remember hearing about the horrors that went on that day in Colorado and thinking that I was having a nightmare. The next morning, I was in the office getting ready to begin the morning announcements. The principal came in with a grim look on his face and said that he would begin the announcements that morning. The bell rang and he began calmly trying to say what he could about the whole thing. I realized then that it wasn't a nightmare...and yet, it was a very real nightmare at the same time.

I am numbly terrified and incredibly sad. It is strange how these things affect people.

My friend Jessica's boyfriend had been thinking of transferring to Tech for engineering. (The second shooting, in which most of the fatalities and injuries occurred, was apparently in the engineering building.) "HOLY SHIT
IT'S THE ENGINEERING HALL I'M SO HAPPY MY BOYFRIEND HAD BAD GRADES. It's such a damn good thing he was stupid."

Of course, they have people describing the "profile" of people who do these kinds of things. "People will always say that people who do these things 'kept to himself, minds his own business, reserved, and non-assuming."

A rumor that the shooter had a problem with a professor is a motive.

The president of Tech has issued a statement that says this is a "tragedy of monumental proportions."

Why do people say things like that? Or rather, why do people have to say things like that?

They've just reported that they believe that it was the same shooter in both incidents.

This is what makes things like this so hard to watch. So much hearsay. So much speculation. The man on tv just said "we'll know much more by the end of the day." Well. Why not wait until then?

We are so hungry for the sensationalism that the news media brings to us. It makes me angry. They have no new information. They just keep ramming the same information down our throats. CNN.com's headline went from "21 Dead in Campus Shooting," to "Campus Massacre," to "Deadliest Rampage in History." Is that really necessary? I don't hesitate to liken this to 9/11, not to mention the 5th anniversary of 9/11, where all day we were subjected to the same damn video clips of those towers falling and the smoking Pentagon and field in Pennsylvania. Why must we be subjected to this? I have to turn off the news.

But not before I heard this from the anchor: "This has been a horrific warning for Virginia Tech University." A warning? For what? To be afraid?

And now there is apparently a cell phone video being shown where you can hear 27 gunshots in the background. Why are we allowed to see these victims? And yet, there is a war going on in Iraq and Afghanistan. And we have yet to see images of even flag-draped coffins coming home. I am well aware that we are not allowed to see these images by mandate of the Pentagon. Don't get me started on that. It is absurd. It is the art of distraction. And the art of fear mongering. And now an interview with a student who was shot in the arm. WHY?

Fear is not the answer my friends.

FEAR IS NOT THE ANSWER.

I wish you peace.

Date:	2007-04-12 15:08
Subject:	Can You Spell That Please?
Security:	Public
Mood:	working

Have you ever spoken to an operator who was overly cranky? Or perhaps, WAY, WAY, WAY too nice?

I can now share some insight into this.

This week I have been working as an operator at Condé Nast Publications. They are the publishing company for such magazines as Allure, Glamour, GQ, The New Yorker, Vogue, and Vanity Fair, among many others. Anna Wintour (the editor of Vogue, upon whom Maryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada based her character) works in this building. Needless to say, they're fancy here. I even wear a headset. Although, it does give me headset hair, which does NOT appeal to my sensibilities.

I digress.

There are several things that I have experienced many times now (my third day here) that are absolutely annoying.

1. A caller gives me an extension with which they would like to be connected.

This makes no sense. If you have the extension, why not just dial it? Seriously. You already had to dial me. You could have saved yourself some valuable time by just dialing the number your lazy, lazy self.

2. Callers on speakerphone.

How the HELL am I supposed to understand what you're saying? Are you that supremely lazy that you can't pick up the phone?

3. People who spell quickly.

A large part of this position is transferring calls to specific people. Like I said, Condé Nast is fancy, so the database is computerized. Which is actually pretty super sweet. However, sometimes the names are strange. So you ask the caller to spell it. If it is a strange name, spell it at a moderate pace. Especially if you're on a cell phone. Because, when you're spelling, and it sounds like ASDFKAGJWE T09TOIEQJR Q40TUGLKJERTQ3TERGP09QTLKG RT93Q40FGK, you are not helping yourself, or me. No one can understand that kind of hurricane of letters. It's just like people who have bad phone number rhythm: "That's 68-9035-1-559-1201. Every other number is the extension. At least the odd ones." But back to spelling. Don't be overly helpful in how you spell either, like the woman yesterday: "Could you spell the last name for me please?" "Yes. FOX-RAMBO-ALPHA-NEVER-KITE-LOPSIDED-INDIAN-NEVER." When she started spelling in words, it threw me and it took me a few letters to catch up. Effective, yes, but really only necessary with letters that sounds similar...like S and F, for example.

4. People who are annoyed.

These are usually the people who are on speakerphone or who spell too quickly. If you ask them to repeat themselves, they get all mad at you. Ew. Then you have the people who start off annoyed. "Could you spell that for me please?" "::with 'ugh' subtext::It's P-L-Q-R-S-T-N-M-A-A-U-L-I-D." Oh. Silly me...not knowing how to spell that.

My favorite part of this assignment so far was yesterday, Wednesday, from when I got there at 9:00 until 12:30. The phones were down. Thus, I picked up probably 200-300 calls and said: "Condé Nast Publications. ::listen:: Actually, the phone systems are down right now, so you'll want to call back later." I literally said that 200-300 times. It was awesome though, because it was easier than looking up names or numbers. Surprisingly, people were understanding and some even laughed and wished us luck. Then there were the people who called back to make sure we were telling the truth. You could just tell. Then about 11:00, the "Are your phones working yet?" calls started. I also got one today, Thursday, at about 1:00. Which was weird to me.

Overall, though, I have enjoyed the job. The other three operators are fun. And they've given me some places to check out here in the city. And I have a computer. Which makes the slow times go a lot faster.

One thing about temping that is weird for me is working for all the different companies. Sometimes I forget the name of the company. When I was working for Tishman-Speyer a few weeks ago, it was a good thing that the name was on the wall opposite me. I also worked for an advertising agency called Euro RSCG. (They came up with "Subway: Eat fresh.") The hardest part of that job was saying "Euro RSCG." If you don't separate them into two entities, you WILL be in trouble. But I must have made a good impression on them. They requested me for later this month.

I hope I've provided some insight into the life of an operator. Next time one is a little snippy or WAY OVERLY SUPER NICE, you might know why.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. Plans on Saturday and Sunday. YEA!

Date:	2007-04-11 14:09
Subject:	WHAT THE...?!
Security:	Public
Mood:	pissed off
Music:	Melodic Ring of the Phones

I have an axe to grind. Several, actually.

First. I live one block from the subway station. How convenient, right?

WRONG!

And I'll tell you why. Because, almost without fail, I will go down into the station, and wait for the train. And then, along comes the express train. Which bypasses my station and the next two stations. Then, like I said, without fail, the local train comes. Right on the tail of the express train. BLEERHASHAF~! WHY? This is so extremely angering to me. Perhaps I will build a retractable bridge of some sort so that I can go over to the express track and jump on to the N train as it flies by. (Although, this is probably as probable as my idea of writing more verses to "Take the A Train" to explain the entire New York City subway system.") (My new favorite phrase is "probably as probable.")

Next axe. There are not enough Broadway musicals that are star-vehicles for men. Thus, I have taken the liberty to create some:

Murray Poppins
Gay Gardens
Bobby and the Beast

There are others. I know there are.

I'm also mad about Sanjaya. They told him he did a good job last night. HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY SAY THAT? True, it was better than some of his other performances. But he should be GONE GONE GONE!

Which brings me to another point: SHAVE YOUR FACE! There are very few men, especially among young men, who can pull of facial hair. Some examples of facial hair not being pulled off:

Sanjaya
Chris Richardson
Orlando Bloom (I hope he gets killed off in the first 5 minutes of Pirates 3.)

I am so enraged by these three that I can't think of any more off the top of my head.
But in short, SHAVE YOUR DAMN FACE. Ass.

JUDO CHOP!